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more lyrics [30 Mar 2002|03:05pm] I can't be her angel now You know it's not my place to hold her down And it's hard for me to take a stand john mayer Vincent (Starry, Starry Night) Starry, starry night Paint your palette blue and grey Look out on a summer's day With eyes that know the darkness in my soul Shadows on the hills Sketch the trees and daffodils Catch the breeze and the winter chills In colours on the snowy linen land Now I understand What you tried to say to me And how you suffered for your sanity And how you tried to set them free They would not listen They did not know how Perhaps they'll listen now Starry, starry night Flaming flowers that brightly blaze Swirling clouds and violet haze Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue Colours changing hue Morning fields of amber grain Weathered faces lined in pain Are soothed beneath the artists' loving hand Now I understand What you tried to say to me And how you suffered for your sanity And how you tried to set them free They would not listen They did not know how Perhaps they'll listen now For they could not love you But still your love was true And when no hope was left inside On that starry, starry night You took your life as lovers often do But I could have told you Vincent This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you Like the strangers that you've met The ragged men in ragged clothes The silver thorn of bloody rose Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow Now I think I know What you tried to say to me And how you suffered for your sanity And how you tried to set them free They would not listen They're not listening still Perhaps they never will... josh groban these lyrics send shivers down my spine. i wish i could write like that. To Where You Are Music: Richard Marx Lyrics: Linda Thompson Who can say for certain Maybe you're still here I feel you all around me Your memories so clear Deep in the stillness I can hear you speak You're still an inspiration Can it be That you are mine Forever love And you are watching over me from up above Fly me up to where you are Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight To see you smile If only for awhile to know you're there A breath away's not far To where you are Are you gently sleeping Here inside my dream And isn't faith believing All power can't be seen As my heart holds you Just one beat away I cherish all you gave me everyday 'Cause you are mine Forever love Watching me from up above And I believe That angels breathe And that love will live on and never leave Fly me up To where you are Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight To see you smile If only for awhile To know you're there A breath away's not far To where you are I know you're there A breath away's not far To where you are those lyrics make me think of cousin tony who died a few years ago-- we were really close.

[30 Mar 2002|02:49pm] [ mood | drained ] i'm getting ready to go to the grocery store-- i just hope it doesn't start raining soon though. i'm sooo hungry, but all we have that's easy is spegehtti (i know i spelled that wrong) and cold pizza. i don't like pizza very much msot of the time, and speg doesn't not sound good right now. i really need some good coffee. i'm craving a mint mocha sooooo bad right now. i have my to-do list for the week all made out and my basket is already has enough work stacked in it to keep me busy for the rest of today and all of tomorrow, so that's really good. yesterday, i got all of my mail that's been sent to my parents house-- and it was mostly junk mail. this college in georgia keeps sending me recruiting stuff, and i keep telling them that i don't want to go to their school. last spring, i really wanted to get out of minnesota, so one of my professors helped me apply to like 8 colleges in different states, and some of them are just now getting back to me. we said i wanted to start in the fall of 02. so i'm getting a ton of mail from colleges. i wish they would have sent it out sooner. i like the school that i'm registered with now though. i'm really lucky that they're letting me do independant study. i hope i can finish all of my classes this way. i should be done in a year, if i do one course every three weeks. my advisor said i should be able to do it. so after i finish two of the courses, i'll be a senior. i'm really excited. i talked to my mom today. i told her that i've been working and her reaction was "oh, you got a job?" it made me so mad. she's never going to take me seriously, so i don't know why it bothers me so much. i'm usually a strong person, but now right now. I want to be taken seriously!!! i wish all of the people that don't take me seriously, could spend one full day with me, and they would see that everything i do really is work. both of my parents want to be writers too, and that's what makes it so sad. i thought they would be supportive of that. NO SUCH THING "Welcome to the real world", she said to me Condescendingly Take a seat Take your life Plot it out in black and white Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings And the drama queens I'd like to think the best of me Is still hiding Up my sleeve They love to tell you Stay inside the lines But something's better On the other side I wanna run through the halls of my high school I wanna scream at the Top of my lungs I just found out there's no such thing as the real world Just a lie you've got to rise above So the good boys and girls take the so called right track Faded white hats Grabbing credits Maybe transfers They read all the books but they can't find the answers And all of our parents They're getting older I wonder if they've wished for anything better While in their memories Tiny tragedies They love to tell you Stay inside the lines But something's better On the other side I wanna run through the halls of my high school I wanna scream at the Top of my lungs I just found out there's no such thing as the real world Just a lie you got to rise above I am invincible As long as I'm alive by john mayer

[25 Mar 2002|04:21pm] [ mood | pissed off ] i'm soooooooooo sooooooo soooooooooooooo f***ing sick of drama. i don't want to hear it anymore-- i don'ttttttttttttttt careeeeeeeeeeeeeeee so leave me aloneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. you know who you are.

[21 Mar 2002|01:40pm] i feel like i'm 100 years old today. my whole body hurts and i feel weak. i think it's bc the weather is so cold and gross and my blood sugar is messed up. i'm done with all of my writing stuff for the month, so now i'm really bored. i'm designing a few courses to teach online, so that's keeping me pretty busy, but i haven't done any of that yet today. i reallyyyy wish my school stuff would get here soon. i can't wait to start. i'll be able to graduate in a year if i take one course every three weeks. so that will be really nice.

[15 Mar 2002|02:19pm] [ mood | confused ] i'm sick of people only talking to me or acknowledging (sp?) me when they need something. i wish that just once, somebody would call or email me bc they miss me or they just want to talk, not bc they need 1,000$ or a story edited or someone to talk to. the same people that do that, are the same people who are always too busy if i ever need someone to talk to. it's like nobody even knows i'm alive until they need something. i thought that i meant something to people-- i know don't why, but i did-- now i see that's not true at all. i'm expected to be everybody's psychologist, bank, fashion consultant, agent, editor, and anything else they need, and i'm supposed to do that all on my own and i can't do it. i want to be important and special to somebody-- i feel really selfish for saying that. i just want to be acknowledged as a person. i have feelings too. i could disappear off the face of the earth right now, and my friends wouldn't even notice. i'm easily replaced by everybody and i'm everybody's second choice-- i always have been. i've always wanted to be the first person to come up with a new idea or invent something new. i want to make a difference in the world and people's lives. but i know that there's nothing great or wonderful inside of me. i'm just a blank empty person. i can only take so much pressure at a time without cracking-- and i'm definately cracking right now.

[11 Mar 2002|04:19pm] [ mood | worried ] i know i sounds like i'm two for saying this-- but i want my mommy and she's 700 miles away.

[08 Mar 2002|01:01pm] [ music | josh groban-- vincent ] i need some inspiration. does anybody know where i can find some?

[06 Mar 2002|03:23pm] [ mood | lonely ] i'm all moved into my apartment in arkansas. i still have a little unpacking to do and a lot of garbage to take out. i really miss my cats. i get really lonely here during the day without any of them to talk to. the weather here is really nice. it's like perfect. i've been getting some work done in between cleaning and stuff. i hope i can send out at least 20 article proposals by the end of the week. i have a lot of new ideas.

[01 Mar 2002|11:10am] it sucks that people finally realize things when it's too late.

this sent shivers down my spine! [01 Mar 2002|10:27am] [ mood | indescribable ] Fri Mar. 1, 2002 by Astrocenter.com Although you may pride yourself in having tremendous patience, dear Virgo, this quality may be hard to come by on a day like this. It is quite possible that you will find that you have bent as far as you can. You have reached the breaking point. The final straw is about to be placed on the camel's back. Feel free to let loose the explosion of emotion that this day calls for. There is no good in trying to maintain a saintly demeanor if you are burning up because of the fire that is raging inside. today is my last day at ucare :( but i'm moving in with my baby in a few days :D

[27 Feb 2002|08:50am] i've been drinking way too much coffee lately. i still have a longggg list of things that need to get done before friday and i hope i can make it through this week!!!

[22 Feb 2002|10:51am] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | sheryl crow-- can't cry anymore ] i had crazy dreams last night. in one of them, somebody from the real word (the show on mtv) was killed, so on the rest of the seasons, they had to block out everybody's faces. it was really weird.

[21 Feb 2002|10:26am] "love is touching souls" joni mitchell

[21 Feb 2002|10:03am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | joni mitchell-- all i want ] this has been bothering me a lot lately. i have a classicaly trained singing voice and during the fall, i took choir and did a lot of opera stuff. so now when i try to sing folk music, my voice sounds really stiff and not folk-like at all. i can't sing low notes either. i was trained as a soprano, but i used to be able to sing folk as an alto and now i have to raise everything into my octave. it sounds really stupid. i've been trying to sing along with my cds-- to match the arists pitch and notes, and i can't do that either. i raise it into my octave without even thinking. i can sing with joni mitchell and dar williams just fine because their voices are higher, but i don't want to sing like that. i miss my rich alto folk singing. it sounds terrible when i try to sing like that. i don't know how to fix it-- i've tried everything. it's not my breathing and i know how to match notes by ear. i don't know, i guess i just need to practice more. it's really frustrating-- i can't sing any of my songs without sounding terrible and i'm embarassed to sing for anyone other than my cats and i'm sure even they think i suck. sorry for rambling :P i know i don't write in here very often, but i've been really busy lately. i'm moving next week, so i'm trying to get everything ready for that. i have everything packed and i have some writing jobs lined up so i'm really excited. i'll finally get to see my baby everyday :P i've been listening to joni mitchell and dar williams lately. i didn't used to like their music-- i don't usually like women folk singers with higher voices, but i'm starting to appreciate their music. it's all i've been listening to lately. it makes me feel better about my voice, and their lyrics are amazing. almost all of dar williams' songs tell a story.

[17 Jan 2002|10:22am] [ mood | stressed ] this is really crazy. last night i was walking by my sister's bedroom and i heard her talking to someone, so i just stood outside of her door to see who she was taking to, because she wasn't one the phone and there was nobody in her bedroom. a few seconds later, she like threw open the door and started screaming "get out of here" and she was like making a pointing motion too. then she slammed her door and yelled "good, now stay gone" and went back to talking again. i asked her who she was talking to and she didn't know what i was talking about. it was really weird. my mother always used to say that she had multiple personalities and now i'm starting to believe it. she didn't really have any childhood trauma or anything like that though. my sister is seriously crazy. i've caught her doing a lot of weird things lately. it's starting to freak me out. she changes her personality like constantly-- it's like she changes into totally different people. one of her personalities is kind of violent though and that's kind of scary. she'll just go off on someone for no reason. she accused people of doing really crazy things. seriously crazy things-- like killing people and stealing things that she doesn't even have. we have this weird guy at work that like stares at people and mumbles things-- it freaks me out. i don't like to judge people on their looks, but he just looks crazy.

I know you're all jealous-- my gf wrote this for me [11 Jan 2002|02:03pm] [ music | andrea telling me she's fat-- she's wrong ] In a land far far away where it's covered with lilies and daises sits a beautiful woman. Her name is Joni and she's amazing and admired by all. She never notices that people stare at her, because of how beautiful she is and she never flaunts herself like she knows that she's beautiful. People all over fall in love with how beautiful she is on the outside. One Joni meets this wonderful woman (Andrea) and starts talking to her. Joni shys away from Andrea, because she's not quite sure what Andrea wants from her. Then one bright and sunshining day with the birds singing and a calm wind blowing. Andrea decides to take Joni for a walk and they picnic by this beautiful waterfall. Joni questions Andrea about why she is with her and Andrea said: I'm going to be very honest and truthful with you, because I don't want to hurt you. I'm with you because you are beautiful on the outside, but perhaps more for what you have on the inside. You're very intelligent, smart, caring, loving, funny, inspirational, good listener, supportive, and so much more. Andrea tells Joni that she is a beautiful person all around and she loves her very much. And they begin to slowly kiss letting all their feelings out in the kiss and they can feel the energy coming off each other. They lay slowly on the ground continuing the kissing and making love with each other with the sun setting in the background. And from their Andrea and Joni walk back hand and hand to the town they will begin their life with one another.

[14 Dec 2001|09:33pm] [ mood | horny ] APPEARANCE 01. hair? short, and reddish brown 02. eyes? pretty hazel ones :D 03. height? short, unless i'm wearing the right shoes 04. shoe size? 6.5 05. tattoos? two, but i want more but andrea said i could only have three STYLE 01. clothing? i don't have a set style 02. music? folk, punk, drum and bass 03. makeup? sometimes 04. writing? anything-- it's an addiction RIGHT NOW 01. wearing? nothing ;) jk jeans that are too big and a long brown sweater 02. listening to? my sister talking to my cats 03. thinking of? my andrea-- she's always what i'm thinking about :P heheee 04. feeling? my legs hurt bc i've walked alotttt today LAST THING YOU... 01. bought? a christmas present for my cats, but i can't say what it is bc it's going to be a surprise :P 02. did? do you really want to know? 03. ate & drank? this chicken potato melt thing and mango tea 04. read? stone butch blues-- i have the whole book memorized. everyone should be required to read it 05. watched on tv? it was a long time ago-- i don't remember EITHER / OR 01. club or houseparty? it just depends 02. tea or coffee? tea 03. high achiever or easy-going? both 04. beer or cider? apple cider. does that count? 05. drinks or shots? drinking is bad 06. cats or dogs? both-- but i'm scared of big dogs 07. single or taken? taken 08. pen or pencil? both-- it just depends on what i'm writing 09. gloves or mittens? mittens-- i just got a new pair. they're fuzzy and pink 10. food or candy? food 11. cassette or cd? cd 12. snuff or cigarettes? neither. snuff is gross andreaaaaaaa. 13. coke or pepsi? neither-- the bubbles tickle my nose and people laugh at me, so i don't drink soda 14. hard or mild alcohol? neither, but hard is ok sometimes 15. matches or a lighter? i use matches to light candles 16. sunset beach or the bold and the beautiful? fuck both of them 17. ricki lake or oprah winfrey? oprah WHO DO YOU WANT TO... 01. kill? i don't do stuff like that. i'm a nice person 02. shag? the most beautiful girl in the world. next time she's in minnesota i want to shag her in the bathroom at uncommon grounds heheeee. 03. slap? i already told you i'm a nice person 04. hear from? andrea 05. get really wasted with? drugs are bad. i like getting wasted on caffine with raz 06. tickle? heheeeeeee 07. look like? myself 08. be like? if i could be like thattttt i would give anything heheeeeeee 09. avoid? ummmmm, this question bc it's lame FAVORITE 01. food? blah-- see the last food you ate question. that's my fave food 02. drink? water 03. color? pink 04. album? pick one. i don't have to pick just one if i don't want to. staind-- break the cycle. 05. shoes? my dyke boots 06. site? www.ucare.org go there-- that's where i work 07. dance? ummmm, can't say heheeeee. 09. vegetable? green beans 10. fruit? blueberries 11. berry? strawberries, with whipped cream and andrea heheeeee.

Andrea's Post [14 Dec 2001|02:32pm] [ mood | optimistic ] [ music | news...finding of another body at the wtc site ] APPEARANCE 01. hair? brown...shoulder length curly or straight 02. eyes? pretty hazel ones :D 03. height? 5'8" 04. shoe size? 9 05. tattoos? nope STYLE 01. clothing? hurley 02. music? punk 03. makeup? uh, no 04. writing? journal RIGHT NOW 01. wearing? Flordia State sweatshirt and baggy pants (they're way too big) 02. listening to? melissa ferrick 03. thinking of? my baby 04. feeling? alright LAST THING YOU... 01. bought? blue book 02. did? paid a parking ticket 03. ate & drank? chili...tea 04. read? "The Will to Kill" 05. watched on tv? Friends EITHER / OR 01. club or houseparty? Houseparty 02. tea or coffee? tea 03. high achiever or easy-going? both 04. beer or cider? beer 05. drinks or shots? drinks 06. cats or dogs? dogs 07. single or taken? taken 08. pen or pencil? Pen 09. gloves or mittens? gloves 10. food or candy? food 11. cassette or cd? cd 12. snuff or cigarettes? ummmm hehe 13. coke or pepsi? coke 14. hard or mild alcohol? both 15. matches or a lighter? lighter 16. sunset beach or the bold and the beautiful? fuck both of them 17. ricki lake or oprah winfrey? oprah WHO DO YOU WANT TO... 01. kill? no one...i'm not into the jail thing 02. shag? ;) 03. slap? slapping is for sissys 04. hear from? J 05. get really wasted with? Racheal or Justin 06. tickle? :O 07. look like? myself 08. be like? everyone should want to be me! 09. avoid? no one FAVORITE 01. food? pizza 02. drink? beer 03. color? blue 04. album? pick one. take off your jacket and pants...blink 05. shoes? flip flops of course...i'm from arkansas 06. site? thats dorky 07. dance? the freddy haha 09. vegetable? green beans 10. fruit? grapes 11. berry? strawberries...hehe

[10 Dec 2001|09:54pm] [ mood | accomplished ] Je tombe malade de mes parents toujours traiter me comme moi ne sait rien. Comme mes besoins de m?re pour publier un livre et j'essaie de l'aider, mais elle ne m'?coute pas. Je sais ce que je fais. Je donne ses id?es et elle le genre de brosses me de, mais quand mon p?re lui donne ces m?mes id?es qu'elle ?coute. Elle toujours demande ? mon opinion de son ?criture, mais quand je la dis elle me n?glige et va demander aux autres gens. La chose elle fait ne m'ennuie pas excpet elle DEMANDE mon aide et elle demande mon opinion sur la chose. Je garde rappeler elle d'aller ? une nuit de mic ouverte et elle dit qu'elle n'a jamais le temps. Je garde rappeler elle d'appeler le livre endroit qui lie, mais elle dit qu'elle n'a jamais le temps. Elle a assez de temps, mais elle ne fait pas d'effort. Je ne sais pas pourquoi que je m'ai envie de qu'il est mon d?faut que son livre n'est pas hors, mais je calme s'a envie de qu'il est. Je tout ai fait mais ?crit la po?sie pour elle. Elle ne prendra pas mon conseil parce qu'il n'est pas comme je sais n'importe quoi de cette chose. Il n'est pas comme moi n'a pas des relations aux ressources qu'elle a besoin de. Il me fait malade ? mon estomac. Une autre chose, cela est probablement vraiment ?go?ste est-elle ?crit ces beaux po?mes de ma soeur. Ils disent comment merveilleux et bel elle est et comment mes besoins de m?re pour la comprendre. Ils disent comment que son ?criture est comme l'ange vole et il coule comme l'eau dans une rivi?re avec aucuns rochers. Il dit combien qu'elle aime et soigne de ma soeur et comment fier elle est d'elle. Je ne sais pas pourquoi qu'il m'ennuie si beaucoup. Oh ouais, mes parents ne sont jamais fiers de n'importe quoi que je fais. Ils ne sont pas m?me heureux avec n'importe quoi que je fais. Je ne peux pas l'aider si je suis tomb? dans l'amour avec une femme au lieu d'un homme. Ma femme me fait plus heureux que n'importe quel homme jamais peut. Quand les gens demandent si je "quelqu'un a" ils viennent de dire non, parce qu'ils ont HONTE que j'ai une amie au lieu d'un boyfriend. Mon sont vraiment en le qui je et tourner il vers faire me sent coupable. Je toujours me sens terrible apr?s je les dis comment je me sens. La chose avec ma soeur vraiment m'ennuie. Il est dur pour se remettre de. Ma soeur re?oit arr?t? pour possesion d'h?ro?ne et alors arr?t? encore pour truancy de l'?cole, donc elle doit aller courtiser deux fois et elle m?me n'est pas mise ? terre. Mes parents la laissent de si facilement. Tout ils ont fait ?taient enl?ve son t?l?phone. Cela montre elle qui est le patron! La chose avec ma musique m'ennuie. J'ai seulement le soutien de quelques gens et cela m'endommage. Ils me soutiendront quand mon majeur met sur le march?, mais ils ne font pas quand il ?tait la musique. Je suis la plupart des a d??u que ma soeur ne me soutient pas. Elle est d'habitude toujours sur mon c?t?, mais pas quand il s'agit de la musique. Je peux faire un habiter de la musique-je l'ai fait avant de et j'?tais beaucoup plus heureux. Je ne sais pas pourquoi que je travaille ? un travail je vraiment n'aime pas et les classes qui prennent que je n'aime pas quand je pourrais faire ce que j'aime la plupart des-en plus andera. La musique est une passion pour moi et je m'ai envie de qu'il est ?t? manquer dans ma vie. Je ne re?ois jamais un hasard pour jouer la guitare plus. Mes parents ne veulent pas l'entendre. Il est comme il est toute une plaisanterie aux gens. Quand je dis des gens que je prends le choeur ils rient et me disent que la classe ne me profitera jamais dans n'importe quelle fa?on. Il vraiment m'endommage. Je ne peux pas traiter l'enregistrement maintenant parce que je n'ai pas mon ordinateur, donc je n'aurai pas un cd hors jusqu' ? la chute prochaine. Je vraiment ai voulu l'avoir hors dans le ressort, mais je ne vois pas cet ?v?nement. Je n'ai pas ?crit beaucoup derni?rement. Je n'ai jamais le temps. Je ne peux pas ?crire ici ? ma maison de parents-je ne me sens jamais inspir?. J'?cris peut-?tre une fois par semaine et il est d'habitude quand je suis ? l'?cole. Je commence ? me sentir si pris au pi?ge ici. Tout le monde sait mes affaires et je suis malade d'est vers mes parents. Je ne suis pas m?me s?r exactement que qu'ennuie me. Je devine, je toujours ai envie de que ma famille me juge. Je sais qu'ils ne vont jamais ?tre content de n'importe quoi que je fais, et il n'est pas mon d?faut. Je viens de souvenir de garder de cela.

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